Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
