i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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