God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
