Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
