I hope mine doesn't look like that
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
