YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
