how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
