Soap is not a condiment
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize