I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry about my life...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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