i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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