I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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