and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
