I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
