I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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