Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
