I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
