Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
