So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
