Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize