then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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