Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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