So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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