he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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