She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize