I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
