matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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