Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize