She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
