There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
