Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
