It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
