So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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