You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you inspire me to be a worse person
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
