If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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