im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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