don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
