He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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