This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
