Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize