So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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