I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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