just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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