I am puke
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
as a side note pls kill me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize