i used baking grease as lip gloss
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
