You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
