Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize