Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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