I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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