You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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