I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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