It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
