I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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