We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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