Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
