if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize