I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
