operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
