I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
