Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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