I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
