ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize