Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
