I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
