It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
