This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
