She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
