um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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