nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
