when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
