My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
