I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
