HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize