If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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