Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
