Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I would fuck him just for his dog
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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