Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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