a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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