It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
