i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
