i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
