big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
