dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
