...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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